A Survival Horror Enthusiast's Account of the Corona Virus

First and foremost, capitalizing on a pandemic is wrong…. But only if you are already wealthy.

We are 3 days into THE 2020 Friday the 13th weekend Coronavirus Hysteria, and I for one feel energized. Legions of fans have touched base with post apocalyptic horror for decades now. From early onset depictions like The Crazies 1973, and more recently Train to Busan, to the all out systematic abandonment of society splashed across the screen in Dawn of the Dead 1978 it has all been documented. Many of us have identified with the scenario and characters in these films, and daydreamed about how we would react and adapt. 

On recent trips to the supermarket, people across the nation were met with customers walking out shouting warnings like “NO MEAT,” “GOOD LUCK,” “GOD HELP YOU” and “NO TOILET PAPER.” Inside, the fluorescent light illuminated savage tendencies. Simple acts of kindness were viewed as weakness and even little old italian women were ready to throw hands. Utter chaos teetering on the razor blade edge of someone’s last nerve. Keep your cool, don’t sneeze, don't cough, don’t rub your face. We steered clear of the deli counter where just a week prior the two of us had bore witness to a veritable verbal brawl between a middle aged blonde woman and a female leprechaun in a black form fitting shirt. The memory of this pre-hysteria scene was too much to ask of anyone so a sprint to the checkout line was imperative. I tried to make friends with the cashier in an attempt to be included in the “us vs them” mentality that was developing between the staff and certain patrons. 

In the face of utter devastation, horror fans have an edge. We have learned that going about your normal routine can be difficult in the face of festering masses harboring a deadly contagion but it must be done. Off to the gym.The land of “no eye contact” and more importantly the land of “no questions asked.” I once spent 45 minutes at the local strip mall gymnasium alongside a young lady exercising in cowboy boots. The afternoon culminated in the two of us, sitting side by side, in massage chairs. I didn’t even consider bringing her footwear up. So it's safe to say we were in a judgement free zone. Rows and rows of people working on their physique. This was not to look good in a bathing suit, bite your tongue, they were smoking the conveyor motors of countless treadmills in the name of survival. 

Even while facing down the terror of school closures, I've heard whispers amongst my horror contemporaries, those with children, who plan to subject their offspring to hard labor in the coming weeks. This is not 14 days off. The house needs to be fortified. Board up the windows, install new deadbolts, load all the household weapons immediately. There is no time to waste in the world of survival horror. Tomorrow could bring unbridled mayhem, the very least those snot nose ward’s could do is participate in preliminary doomsday preparations. A parent trying to instill these life skills in their children would do well to show their kids Night of the Living Dead 1990. I’d much prefer they watch the 68 classic but this version is  in color so they’ll be more inclined to sit through it. 

So we are left gazing inquisitively down the barrel of a roulette revolver. Do we fall into limitless anarchy..  Does it all go back to normal. The Londonites certainly thought so. During the second World War they went to bed every single night knowing they would be bombed. When day broke, in spite of the confines of the horizon, they went back to rebuilding  daily life. The lesson there is:   ..letting the bombs shake you is inevitable, how you deal with being shook is paramount. Every day that you wake up has the potential to be a horror movie or a romantic comedy. My advice… simply make your life a romantic horror, comedy, musical. In the end it's the only realistic choice.